March 06, 2003

One Bodhi Tree = 700 Brochures

It turns out that Confusing Evil isn't really all that evil after all. She's just weird. She actually engaged me in a very pleasant conversation about the not-so-pleasant weather. I think I may still keep the feud going, though. Most people don't remember why they started feuding in the first place, and I'm certainly not above being the one in the wrong, so long as no one else knows it. Though I may have to conserve my energy for the feud I hope to start with the Buddhist money interests of the Atlantic Coast, a kick-off skirmish for which I hope to incite sometime in early Spring. My main issue with these people, though there are many, is that they keep sending me, Occupant, crap in the mail. You'd think a philosophy that prides itself on its renunciation of earthly possessions wouldn't bombard its subscribers (no pun intended) with junk mail. But you would be wrong, imposing your Western disgust on something far cooler and transcendent than you could ever hope to be.
One of my many and varied responsibilities here in the middle of nowhere is the taking of the mail out of the mailbox and putting it somewhere. This duty would be pretty damn easy if it weren't for all the flyers and handouts and brochures that my Buddhist aunt and uncle get from every enlightened corner of the Eastern Seaboard: "The llama of this invites you to a very special...The Drukpa of that would be honored if...The Bodhisattva of this was wondering if maybe you were...." They all either want handouts or to sell you tickets to something. The only junk mail that outweighs that of the Buddhist money machine is info on frequent flyer miles, which holds a special place in my heart since it's what got me out here. Now, I have nothing against the philosophy--people jump on you if you call it a religion, like it's better than all the other religions that are really little more than philosophies that have been dragged through all the crap that Buddhism is starting to be dragged through--I think it's a party waiting to happen. I just wish that their mailing lists would divest themselves of my worldly address.

Posted by jason at March 6, 2003 01:47 PM

speaking of mail, did you get my cards, communist?

Posted by: didofoot at March 7, 2003 08:34 AM

plus, have you run out of smoked salmon yet? do you need some more food? i will send you more food.

Posted by: michele at March 7, 2003 08:38 AM

and did you get my balloon gram? that's how much i love you, jason - a balloon gram. that ranks higher on the good friend scale than smelly canned fish, wouldn't you say?

okay, but what if it was an IMAGINARY balloon gram...?

Posted by: didofoot at March 7, 2003 09:27 AM

don't be dissing my fish, missy.

Posted by: mishy fishy at March 7, 2003 09:37 AM

Fish disser: Yeah, I just got your hippie photos and they made me nostalgic for not liking war. Thanks.

I also got your guys's cards from before. They were like a life raft on choppy seas.

Fish pisser: I would never turn down delicious food. And you piss fish! Buckets of it.

Posted by: jason at March 7, 2003 10:48 AM

Well, I can't offer you canned food or a balloon gram, but I can let you know that your reference is full of compliments and on it's way to the Work-Family Connections, Inc. That's all I've got for now... but I'll work on a Morrisey themed singing candygram at my soonest convenience.

Posted by: Jolie at March 7, 2003 11:18 AM

You know, you really shouldn't be reading there mail. There are laws against this sort of thing. Federal laws, no less. TERRORIST!!!

Posted by: tracy at March 7, 2003 03:52 PM

their not there

Posted by: tracy at March 7, 2003 03:53 PM

I'm not technically reading their mail since I can't read!!! Thanks for picking that wound, Tracy!

Posted by: jason at March 7, 2003 07:08 PM