Roadside Dialysis

The Hours Til Michele Arrives (starring Jason Shamai, and Meryl Streep in a dual role as a harried WWI nurse and a dissatisfied Chinese noblewoman during the Boxer Rebellion. Narrated by Virginia Woolf's corpse and impersonator/ventriloquist Rich Little)

Goddam kids at work spilled water on my book and asked me why I have more gray hairs than their dads. Should've told them expensive cars and infidelity keep fathers young. All I could think of at the time was to punch them.

But goddam kids at work can't bring me down, no sir, because my thoughts are in the clouds this afternoon. Michele is poised to rock my Jersey suburb! She'll descend upon this sleepy town like locusts that know how to party and decimate its bumper crop of lameness.

Let's have a moment of silence for stupidness, which will surely be dead as soon as she arrives.